Thursday, July 17, 2014

The Last Piece of the Puzzle...

Avoiding one question only leads to answering another, or so it is in my case. How do I start, at the beginning as I guess this is a continuation of the playground. Healing & scars, that's the focus. How do you deal with the scars, how do you heal the wounds? Are you ready, because this is about everything from science to religion, from spirituality to humanity.

With Respect to all religions, they all teach a set of rules the basis of good and bad. Sins & Good Deeds, Love & Hate. Now in Islam (we're going to go back & forth, connect the dots at your own time) it is believed that the faithful will suffer in the real world in order to enter Heaven & not set foot in Hell (or decrease their duration in Hell, however you see fit).

With that in mind, think of the struggle, the balance we try to keep between our desire to be good and the temptations of the real world. It is how we grow isn't it though? Where is growth without the experience, the turbulence, the insecurities, the understanding, the acceptance and finally overcoming and moving on to the next life lesson.

Let's go back to faith, the guilt and shame associated with each wrong doing, small or large is a measure of our faith. Just as how the pain we experience when losing a loved one is a measure of our love for them. How we choose to absolve the pain, guilt or shame is a measure of both our faith and growth. Hope your still with me.

Here's the plot twist, if we were to act on the knowledge that suffering in this life is a direct measure of God's mercy for the afterlife then we must also act on the knowledge that the pain or negative emotions we experience are our own personal Hell, on earth.

Resolving this hell on earth can only be done with faith. It is just a lesson and if we take accountability and hold on to our faith then our personal hell resolves and we are once again centered. This occurs from love, with love and through love. And what is God but love.

Once centered, it is easier to see Heaven through Peace. If you truly love, then you are at peace with yourself and cannot help but wish everyone to experience love and therefore ultimately peace. It comes as no surprise and every surprise to realize that the wounds that are too deep, that have engraved and etched themselves into our heart will relate to the pain of the world. Which leads us to lashing out. At times with no direction, in fury, at times hurting not just ourselves but others in the process. But if we focused on the ultimate goal, the hereafter, the Heaven, the Paradise call it what you may; if we keep that focus then it becomes familiar to us almost habit to return to it by shedding the weight of our negative and self-created hell to return to our peaceful state of mind back on track to that awaited hereafter.

And every answer becomes available to you, to help you find the love by overcoming hate, shame, guilt and what deters us from our faith. Now here's the faithful humanitarian aspect, the pain that we experience is often dulled by comparing ourselves to those who are less fortunate. Whatever we experience could not possibly relate to another who is war torn, starved, unsheltered, oppressed or treated inhumanely. Though this may dull our own personal pain, through empathy we have attached ourselves to committing absolving their hell as well as ours. So we tie ourselves, or our hopes, or our dreams, or our ambitions to creating a better world not just for us but for all those that suffer around us. Pure love is both selfish and selfless in the sense that the gain of others is also our gain.  Just as their pain is our pain.

I guess all this leads us to another question or set of questions, what is the measure of your love, your compassion, your empathy, your desire to find peace? What is your focus going to lead you to accomplish? What will you allow to flourish from your pain?

Think of all the accomplishments of those before us and those with us. What have we created in our lives to help ourselves and others? However you look at it we are linked, our actions affect those around us repeatedly. Now it isn't far stretched to look around you and see the products (literally) of others and how they affect our daily lives, what you choose to work on and invest in be it science, technology, medicine, engineering, business, marketing, fashion or any other field will last. And if it doesn't last it evolves for the better.

My own imperfections can be pointed out easily but I do not let them define me, instead I use them as a catalyst for positive change. And it's a work in progress, as long as I breath I will keep going through these cycles or personal evolution's in the hope that I do enough for that awaited promise. I hope you made it this far as I'm aware that I over share, but if you look at the Dream Wall somewhere on it you can see my dream.  As well as the dreams of others.

Sharing my experiences might help someone with theirs and I realize I owe a lot to those that keep me grounded, so this is for anyone that has stood by me through good and bad. This is also for those that I might have hurt, discomforted, crowded, lashed out at or behaved in any way inappropriately. Forgive me, I often get so caught up in trying to find an answer that I do not pay as much attention as I should to my surroundings.

So that's the last piece of this puzzle, whatever puzzle that comes next in life I'm sure will benefit from the accumulation of experiences that have lead me to this. 

Monday, June 24, 2013

The Fragmented Conscious

The Fragmented Conscious:-

Every day I realize that we are a community of Fragmented Consciousness. Over the past several weeks, I have found myself in different yet similar social or professional settings; where when we as individuals group & discuss a certain topic the majority agree on a preferred ‘ideal’ set of actions or solutions.

We all crave positive change, yet very few of us take the first step out of fear; fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, fear of resistance, fear of humiliation, fear of ignorance, fear of peer pressure and insert other fears continued here!

What we fail to realize and what is increasingly evident is that we are a Fragmented Conscious, disorientated by our own insecurities propelled further by obligations, culture and media (to name a few variations).

We all generally have the same wants and needs; no bloodshed, less bloodshed, no corruption, less corruption, increased security (physical, emotional, religious, spiritual, financial), success and generally self-actualization though how we prioritize our needs directly affect our actions.

We just don’t realize that we have the power to promote and lead these changes if we grouped our Fragmented Consciousness to become a Collective Conscious. 

*off-site for the rest of the week so an early TGIW

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

The Concept of Beauty

I was told recently that I use the word 'Beautiful' frequently and in doing so I devalue it, just to clarify where I stand:-

Beauty falls under different concepts based on the culture, values and attitude of the individual (to name a few variables). My concept of beauty is simple, the collective whole compounds the whole.

We have far exceeded the imagination of each generation by advancing in Medicine, Technology, Production, Products, Marketing, Consumerism, Brainwashing etc

It is far too easy for us today to dismiss, neglect or under prioritize the simple pleasures of exploring because we are being conditioned on a daily basis to be attracted to what is relevant at a particular point in time.

My concept of beauty allows me to digest the small matters, the flaws, the blemishes, the history, the approach, the detail given or lack there of, the colours, the textures, the list is truly endless. Because these details are what make a whole, what an individual is likely to overlook because the finished product doesn't fit the commercialized trend, I savour.

I savour it or parts of it, I allow myself to look beyond the finished, presented product, piece, article, individual and so on.

Granted this may be difficult, especially to explain adequately. But my concept of beauty allows me to explore, to interact, to study, to understand, to appreciate, to push forward and to influence. This concept allows me flexibility and freedom of choice.

My concept of Beauty is not Rigid, it flows. Perspective is a Beautiful Tool.

WARNING: Those who fear scratching the surface in case it shakes their values or beliefs are not advised to dabble in this concept. The weak minded are not able to accept paradigms or diversity, simply because they fear they will lose their way or be swayed in to uncharted territory. I am able to hold on to my values & beliefs because I am able to dissect and relate, dissect and refute using flaws and inconsistencies in an opposing stance, dissect and appreciate, dissect and believe, dissect and...


Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

TGIW Story

TGIW Story:

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll
ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else---the small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.

Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

United We Stand, Divided We Fall

What's on my mind? 

I went to bed last night and whilst waiting for blissful unconsciousness to hit, my brain decided this is the perfect moment to dive head first into the complexities of Human Behaviour. 

United We Stand, Divided We Fall.

That is the phrase that Brain decided to break down for the night. It kept on echoing in my head like a buzzing fly that I couldn't swat, simply because those 6 words are directly linked to events as simple as School Bullying to events as complex as the Aftermath of 9/11.

In order for us to survive we are ultimately dependant on the support & acknowledgement of others, dependant on the acceptance of our peers, fearful of isolation, abandonment, loneliness. We crave to be within a circle, regardless of what it stands for in beliefs or values as long as we "belong".

How say you? Quite logical stuff actually, it's all to do with insiders vs. outsiders. The "In-Group" Vs. the "Out-Casts" or the "Popular" Kids Vs. the "Losers" Vs. The "Nerds".

Since our toddler years we look to connect to others and we group up looking for someone who understands us, looking for the familiarity in a stranger. You find these people and you click, but it's that click that is our real downfall. 

Because that bond created requires a common system, belief, enemy, theory, individual, group or what have you that is ultimately rejected by the two parties in order to signify their uniqueness. In order to permanently solidify this friendship, this understanding the two individuals or the group create a common enemy.

And hence the phrase "United We Stand, Divided We Fall". However it starts, whenever it starts this bond is stronger when based on an ideal that distinguishes "this group" from "that group" because they form a group identity that is based on defending themselves against said system, belief, enemy, theory etc.

A couple of weeks back I had a similar conversation with a group of friends where I was trying to explain why Bullying occurs, it is a self-defense mechanism that deflects the attention of the audience from the actual victim. The bully could be a victim of low-self esteem or an abusive relationship. But as long as the bully has a target and makes an example of someone, he doesn't have to worry about attention being on him/her because he is leveraging the attention through intimidation and by giving others victims they themselves can pay attention to as long as they don't focus on him/her. 

I know I'm rambling off in different tangents, but this isn't exactly an essay format. 

United We Stand, Divided We Fall. Communities, Groups, Friendships & Marriages are all based on excluding something or someone in order to strengthen the bond between themselves. Do you remember High School? Have you watched a High School Movie lately? Its all about being in, "inclusion" the need to belong, to be understood, to be accepted. 

It's not just a High School phase, it's a life time phase. Next time you're watching the news you'll start noticing specific words, next time you read a paper you'll start noticing the grouping. 

Popular Kids Vs. Losers
Republicans Vs. Democrats Vs. Liberals
Terrorists Vs. The American People
Middle Class Vs. Upper Class
Whites Vs. Mixed Race
Fat Vs. Skinny
Homosexuals Vs. Hetrosexuals
Catholics Vs. Christians
Sunni Vs. Shia
Jews Vs. Muslims Vs. Christians Vs. Catholics Vs. Hindus Vs. *Other Religions
VIP Treatment Vs. Average Service

It's all based on group survival, and that is humanity. We all suffer from it unfortunately and the minority that doesn't  well that's another rambling for another day but here's a hint its to do with Alexithymia.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

10 Tips for Body Language (Non-Verbal Communication)

(Note this is an external article)

They say a picture is worth a thousand words; now picture yourself, approaching a woman or a prospective client, walking into a board meeting or a party. How do you look? What message do you communicate the moment you walk into a room? What are your eyes, hands and shoulders saying? What information can people gather about you before you ever say a word? Never thought about it? You should. And you can start by perusing our top 10 tips to show confidence with body language.

People read your body language, often via instinct and without thinking. It’s because our poses and postures are a great source of information. They reflect our mood and our confidence level. We stand and walk a certain way when we’re confident and another way when we’re nervous. In a glance, most people can discern if we’re apprehensive or outgoing, relaxed or aggressive. With a little practice, we can learn the tips to show confidence through body language so that we always appear confident, capable and ready.

Top 10 Ways to Show Confidence With Body Language.

01. Avoid your pockets

The first tip on our list of the top 10 tips to show confidence with body language is to keep your hands out of your pockets. We put our hands in our pockets when we’re uncomfortable or unsure of ourselves. And as long as you have your hands stuffed down your pants, that’s how other people will view you.

Instinctually we tend to hide our hands when we’re nervous; keeping your hands out in the open indicates confidence and shows people you have nothing to hide. Also, recognize that putting your hands in your pockets encourages slouching, which isn’t good. As an alternative, try putting your hands on your hips; it’s a far more confident posture.

02. Don’t fidget

Fidgeting is a clear sign of nervousness. A man who can’t keep still, is a man who is worried, tense and certainly not confident. Your hands can be your worst enemies — fight to keep them still and steady. You can definitely talk with your hands, but keep your gesticulations calm and under control. Also, when seated, avoid that rapid leg-vibration thing that some guys do (you don’t want to look like a dog getting his belly rubbed).

03. Keep your eyes forward

Keeping your eyes level might be one of the trickiest ways to show confidence in body language. When you’re walking anywhere by yourself, it often feels natural to lower your head slightly and watch your step, but this posture communicates to others that you don’t want to engage in conversation or interact. And if you’re not careful, you might get into the habit of doing it all the time. Keep your chin up and your eyes forward, even when you’re walking down the street by yourself.

04. Stand up straight:

With your shoulders back Standing up straight is one of the most important of our top 10 tips to project confidence through body language. It can be a challenge especially if you’ve been a sloucher all your life, but get over it. Standing up straight is perhaps the most important means of communicating confidence.
Concentrate on pushing your shoulders back slightly when standing and walking. Nothing major, just a little. That one simple motion does wonders for your posture. Try it in front of the mirror—you’ll be surprised how much more confident it makes you look.

05. Take wide steps

A confident man will never be described as "scurrying," "creeping" or "sneaking," so pay attention to the way you walk. If you want to show confidence with body language you want to take large steps. Wide steps make you seem purposeful and suggest a personal tranquility, which denotes confidence in a man.

06. Firm handshakes

Another of our top 10 tips for showing confidence with body language has to do with the firm handshake. There are few things worse than reaching out your hand during an introduction and getting a palm full of dead fish. Don’t be that guy. Instead, grip the other person’s hand firmly and confidently. If shaking hands with someone you’ve already met, you might even consider the two-hand grab: placing your free hand on the other person’s elbow adds warmth and enthusiasm to the handshake. Just don’t get carried away. A handshake is not a contest. Don’t try to crush the other person’s hand and don’t hold on too long.

07. Proper grooming

Imagine yourself walking into a room, maybe there are lots of beautiful women there or maybe the room is filled with respected colleagues. Now consider your appearance: four days’ worth of scruff, bad skin, hair crispy and pointy like a Backstreet Boy’s. The point we’re trying to make is that grooming is an essential component of communicating confidence through body language.

You want your hair, face and even your smell to work for you, not against you. Don’t be afraid to experiment with new products to find the ones that work for you.

08. Smile

Confident people smile because they have nothing to worry about. Try this as an experiment: smile at someone as you pass them on the street or walking around the office. Chances are good that they’ll smile back. Now wouldn’t you like to have that effect on people all the time?

09. Don’t cross your arms when socializing

Crossing your arms is a protective posture. We do it when we’re cold, nervous or on guard. Think of those big, burly nightclub bouncers, crossing their 26-inch pythons while standing guard at the door to a club. Do they look like guys you want to talk to, joke with or work with? No, right? Their job is to look intimidating. Your job is to look likeable, open and confident. So relax a little and keep your arms uncrossed.

10. Use contact to show appreciation

The pat on the back is a lost art. Don’t be afraid to pat a buddy or a colleague on the back when he or she delivers a perfectly timed punch line or nails the big presentation. Most people aren’t freaked out by a hand on the shoulder and they’ll likely be appreciative of your sign of affection and respect.